You Can Say You Knew Me When

Written by K.M. Soehnlein

In his sophomore novel, K.M. Soehnlein traverses the themes of death, grief, bitterness, and the general harshness of living. The story is told in first-person, through the scorned eyes of the main character, Jamie. The book begins with Jamie’s fateful return back to his hometown of GreenLawn, N.J. to attend his father’s funeral. When his father was living, Jamie desperately chipped away at his steely façade, trying to reach the acceptance he longed for. Never seeing eye to eye on the subject of Jamie’s homosexuality, they agreed to disagree. Jamie flees to San Francisco to find something that his father steadfastly denied him – love. What ensues during the funeral are expected dramatics forged from the abrupt exile, as forgotten siblings and relatives aggressively lash out. Before he leaves to return to San Francisco, Jamie discovers a box of letters and pictures from his father’s past that lead him on a journey to find the man his father was during his twenties.

The character is a classic tragic hero. You are constantly hoping that this guy will get his life together, especially when he betrays his loving boyfriend, Woody. He does this constantly throughout the book – in airports, beaches, grimy bathrooms, even an elderly man in his lavish Victorian home. His longing to live in the moment and enjoy the enticing flesh of the men that advertise themselves with tempting eyes, struggles with his need to try and fight the urge to deflect the guilt from his mind. I loved how these scenes usually played out. He would think about doing the right thing, but as you read on, you realize that the character’s will isn’t that strong. Jamie is not anyone’s role model and that what’s most appealing about him. He’s a pot-smoking, bitter, financially-drained cheater that tries to do the right thing, but it never pans out that way.

Although Jamie’s father isn’t fully explored, Soehnlein uses letters that he’s written to lovers and friends during his one year stint in “Frisco” during the 60s to bring his presence back to Jamie’s life. Jamie begins to neglect everyone around him in his search and his life slowly drifts apart as he draws closer to the answers. He seeks out the various people mentioned in his father’s letters, including some questionable male companions. Landing on the elusive Dean Foster, he discovers things about his father that begin to give him some semblance of closure.

Jamie represents – in all of us – the guy who just can’t get it right. No matter how hard he tries, he ruins everything. Even with his faults, you knew it was for a greater purpose and there was nothing too trivial to be discarded. In the final chapters of the book, he realizes now is the time to grow up and be the mature 30-something adult he is. You Can Say You Knew Me When isn’t just a story about a bitter man with issues with his father. It’s about how on a journey to find someone else, you stumble upon the best in you.